My friend is faced with a problem & needs advice?

He was with a woman for 12 years, prior to their relationship she adopted her new born niece, he entered their lives when the baby was 5.


But she does look at him as dad, and vice versa.





The daughter is street smart, manipulative, and does basically what she wants, when he would try to reprimand her she would say your not my dad and continue with what she pleased. ie: stay out all night at age 13-14.





the woman is an alcoholic, and the daughter doesn’t want to live with her for that reason, she can get mean, but not physical (that was my 1st question to him)





They two split up 3 years ago, he stayed local, she moved back east and the daughter moved up north to live with a friend,





He has since started a new relationship and the new Lady doesn’t like the idea of him being involved in the girls life because it gives the ex (who wants him back) a gateway to conversation.





The problem:





The daughter wants to stay here with her dad to finish out school because there are no continuation schools in the state she is in (? Idk) he recently lost his job, and he’s a softy and always caves in to the girls manipulative ways, he’s afraid of the emotional strain it will put on him. Not to mention the strain the idea has already caused on his relationship. He is also a diabetic and the stress affects that as well.





I asked him if you consider her your daughter and if she considers you dad and he replied “Yes”.





He’s not sure what to do?





I have given him my views but I’m afraid I only made it harder for him, he is strongly leaning toward yes, but something is screaming “NO” inside of him. I can tell by just looking at him.


What are your views? What would you do?My friend is faced with a problem %26amp; needs advice?
logically he is the Dad and if the daughter follows the family ground rules there should be no conflict. The new relationship has to accept this, it's part of the package when we separate and children are involved.





I couldn't really determine the age of the daughter so I would say, if she is emancipated she needs to have the rules spelled out pretty clearly, that is, if she is moving in with her dad who has another relationship the daughter must show respect. If not there will be consequences (move back out or go to mom's ???), she should also be required to follow the house rules; bed, homework, curfew and an assortment of responsibilities she will have in the house. If she can not follow these normal rules then it would not be wise to have her move back. By the way the new relationship also needs to respect your friends attitude of being a father.... It's not her place to determine what's morally correct in his life with respect to the daughter or the ex. Also, if the daughter is still under age, the same rules should apply except I would find an alternative to kicking her out if she doesn't follow the rules.





The other problem is your friends employment status, he needs to go to work in order to control his life, unless he is able to live with out work!My friend is faced with a problem %26amp; needs advice?
I would say no he has enough problems and she will survive where she is
Its a really confusing problem but my view is that he should allow his daughter to stay with him while she attends school. shes his daughter and he should be there for her. The only way to make it easier on him is just to enforce rules. not strict ones just so there is trust. when she acts like a brat, he should call her out on it. what ever insult she says back to him he should seemingly try not to care. He should never change his mind when he comes to a parental decision.
His daughter is manipulative, but she is also just that, his daughter. If she looks at him as dad, and he looks at her as his daughter, then it is his daughter. His new found flame should understand that. When you get involved with someone who has a child, it is understood that if the other parent is alive, they are going to be a part of his/her life. That isn't something you should expect to change. They committed themselves to this child, and he doesn't have the option not to get involved and help his daughter with her future, regardless of whether his new flame is okay with that or not. I think he should say yes, and talk to the new girl, and explain to her that this is his daughter, and even though his ex has a gateway to conversation, he doesn't want her back, and it doesn't matter what she wants. She should be able to understand that!